Awesome Dog 5000 Read online

  Marty had been invited to sit at table #20, the absolute lowest-ranked table in the cafeteria. It was specially reserved for the dorkiest of dorks and total outcasts. “The dorkiest of dorks and total outcasts” isn’t a very catchy name for a group, so instead they called themselves the Zeroes Club. This was because the table’s painted #20 had worn off to a single faded 0.

  The Zeroes Club members were the boy in glasses, the girl with the swooshy hair, and now Marty—if he accepted the invitation.

  “I’m Ralph and this is Skyler,” said the boy to Marty. “So do you want to join our club?”

  Marty was about to answer, when Skyler pointed at his shirt. “Hey! You play Sheriff Turbo-Karate?! Oh. You are going to fit right in with us!” She showed Marty her skateboard. The bottom was covered in Sheriff Turbo-Karate stickers.

  “Fun fact! Sheriff Turbo-Karate is the Zeroes Club’s all-time favorite video game!” said Ralph.

  This was how Marty met Ralph Rogers and Skyler Kwon.

  EVER SINCE KINDERGARTEN, Skyler Kwon had never quite fit in at school. She had her own unique style the other kids thought was strange. Her clothes, her hair, and even the music she liked confused most people. (Ever heard of the Swedish all-girl metal band Samürai Mermaid?) Skyler didn’t care about being popular or following new trends. That’s why the cool kids had labeled her a weirdo and banished her to table #20.

  But Skyler was proud of being different.

  There was a boldness to everything she did. Whether dyeing her hair punk-rock purple or sliding handrails on her skateboard, Skyler was fearless.

  She got her confident spirit from her parents. Her mom was a race car driver, and her dad was a skydiving teacher. They had taught her from a young age always to be brave, but sometimes she had a little too much courage. When Skyler was a baby, she would ramp her stroller off the roof and use her diaper to parachute into the front yard.*

  Skyler came from a long line of daredevils. Her grandfather once roller-skated down an erupting volcano, her aunts were chainsaw jugglers, and her cousin was a shark dentist. Her family had always been daring, going back to the Ice Age. The original Kwon had discovered fire just so he could jump over it with his caveman motorcycle.

  But this isn’t a boring history book, so let’s fast-forward a million years…skipping past the pyramids, the Vikings, and disco dancing to the modern day, when Ralph Rogers is the weirdest kid in fifth grade.

  * Book safety disclaimer: This dangerous trick should only be attempted by professionally trained stunt babies.

  RALPH ROGERS is a great kid but a bit of an oddball. For example, Ralph spent last summer memorizing ninety-seven books in the library. Now he has too many facts floating around in his head, and they sometimes spill out.

  Like you’ll be watching a movie with Ralph and you’ll try to share your popcorn and he’ll say, “Fun fact! Aztec kings in Mexico used popcorn to decorate their crowns.”

  And then you miss that cool action scene with the helicopter explosion because Ralph was talking about a hat. Anyway, here are the top five fun facts about Ralph:

  FUN FACT #5: Ralph taught a scorpion how to do a backflip.

  FUN FACT #4: Ralph can play exactly one song on the keytar. It’s like a guitar, but it’s a keyboard.

  FUN FACT #3: Ralph has a collection of rocks that look like Abraham Lincoln.

  FUN FACT #2: Ralph was stung in the head by a backflipping scorpion.

  FUN FACT #1: Ralph’s all-time favorite video game is Sheriff Turbo-Karate. He even dressed up as the video game hero last Halloween.

  And fun fact number one brings us right back to the cafeteria, where Skyler noticed Marty’s Sheriff Turbo-Karate shirt and Ralph said, “Fun fact! Sheriff Turbo-Karate is the Zeroes Club’s all-time favorite game!”

  “Mine too,” said Marty. “But I can’t get through the moon maze.”

  “Us either,” said Ralph.

  “Maybe if we teamed up in three-player co-op mode, we could figure it out together,” said Skyler.

  And just like that, a dork did the impossible. Marty made some friends.

  AFTER SCHOOL, Ralph and Skyler got their game systems and met up with Marty at his house. Marty introduced his mom to his new friends. Mrs. Fontana suggested the kids hang out in the living room while she unpacked the last of the moving boxes in Marty’s bedroom.

  The kids pulled up some cardboard boxes for seats and were ready to play their favorite video game, Sparkle Rainbow Tea Party Adventure. It was a cute game where you sit at a tea party and you talk about nice things like sweet kittens, and pretty flowers, and how to be polite—

  Just kidding. They played…

  The kids linked their video games to three-player co-op mode and selected their sheriffs’ hats. They all picked their favorite colors: Marty was red, Ralph was blue, and Skyler was purple (just like the streak in her hair). They hit start and set off into the moon maze. Their sheriffs made left and right turns. They jetted through star caves and space tunnels. They worked together avoiding traps and the alien slime army. Their teamwork paid off, and they reached the center of the maze. The sheriffs stood in front of a giant golden door.

  “Fun fact!” said Ralph. “You can win a gold medal for trampoline jumping in the Olympics.”

  That fact didn’t have anything to do with the game, but Ralph said it anyway because, well, that’s Ralph.

  The golden door swung open to reveal a giant throne room. Inside, the president of Earth was being held prisoner. She was locked in a cage hanging from the ceiling. She pleaded, “Help me, Sheriffs! You’re my only hope!”

  Getting the cage’s key wasn’t going to be easy. It hung around the neck of the Blob King. The king was enormous. His eyes were bright red, his teeth were razor sharp, and his life meter was fifty hearts strong. This was the final boss.

  The battle began, and Marty, Ralph, and Skyler furiously mashed buttons. They all karate-chopped the Blob King, but nothing damaged the king’s health.

  “Even against all three of us, he’s too strong!” said Skyler.

  “There must be a secret way to beat him,” said Ralph.

  That gave Marty the perfect idea. He told Skyler and Ralph his secret combo moves. They unlocked the power attacks: rocket chops, flying knee slams, and flame kicks. But they didn’t work, either. The king was still at full health.

  “Your combos are lame!” said the Blob King. He did a super slap, and the sheriffs’ health dropped to one heart each.

  “If we’re hit again, it’s game over,” said Ralph. “Marty, do you know any more secret moves?”

  “I only know one more combo, but it’s not an attack move,” said Marty.

  “It doesn’t matter what the move is,” Skyler said. “We have to try it!”

  Marty entered into his controller A, A, A, A, A, A, B, UP. It was the “infinity farts” combo.

  Instantly, his sheriff jumped around and farted up the throne room. Stinky brown gas filled the screen. The king gagged from the smell. “YUCK! YOUR SECRET COMBO STINKS!”

  The king was blinded by the brown gas, but his health remained full.

  “It isn’t working. He still isn’t losing any hearts,” said Marty.

  “No. Keep it up!” said Skyler. “It’s distracting him. I think I can grab the key!”

  Marty’s red sheriff’s toots gave Skyler cover. She sneaked through the thick gas and swiped the key from around the king’s neck.

  “Quick! I’ll give you a boost, Skyler!” said Ralph. He moved his sheriff underneath the cage. Skyler did a running jump, sprang off the top of the blue sheriff’s head, and then flipped up through the air. She inserted the key, opened the cage, and saved Earth’s president. On their screens, a graphic popped up:

  All three kids leapt from their seats. Ralph yelled out, “We beat it! I can’t belie
ve we actually saved the universe! That cheat code was amazing, Marty!”

  “Thanks,” said Marty. “Fast thinking on grabbing the key, Skyler!”

  “I couldn’t have done it without the jump assist from Ralph!” said Skyler.

  “Zeroes Club in the house! Woop-woop!” said Ralph.

  The kids were so fired up, they started jumping up and down. They bounced around so much that it shook the wooden floorboards. The vibrations knocked over a stack of dusty boxes in the living room corner.

  “Hey, what is that?” asked Ralph. He pointed to a box that had fallen over.

  “It’s just old junk that a weird toothbrush inventor left behind when he moved out,” said Marty.

  “That’s definitely not junk,” said Skyler. “I think that inventor made something a little bit cooler than a toothbrush.”

  Inside one of the tipped-over boxes was a small robot dog.

  THE KIDS TOOK the robot dog out of the box and set him on his feet. He looked like a beagle made of battleship metal. He was by far the most amazing thing they ever had seen in their entire ten-year-old lives. And Ralph had once seen an internet video of a panda jumping on a pogo stick.

  Marty pressed the small power button on the back of the dog’s collar….

  Nothing happened. The robot dog stood motionless.

  “I think he needs batteries,” said Ralph. “There’s a slot on the dog’s belly marked ‘Batteries go here.’ ”

  The kids couldn’t find batteries in any of the moving boxes, so Marty swiped two AA batteries from the TV remote. They inserted them into the dog’s battery slot and flipped the power switch. The hum of a motor buzzed inside the dog’s chest. His eyes lit up. He was powered on but still didn’t move.

  “Is he supposed to do something?” asked Skyler. She knocked on the dog’s head to wake up his brain. “Hello? Is anyone home in there?”

  Marty checked the robot dog’s cardboard box. It was empty. There were no instructions. There was no user guide. The kids would have to figure out how to use the dog on their own.

  “It’s a robot dog. So maybe it’s programmed with some dog tricks,” Ralph said.

  Skyler tried a dog command. “Sit!”

  The robot dog sat. The kids were shocked.

  “Roll over!” said Ralph.

  The robot dog rolled over.

  “Speak!” said Marty.

  A loud robot voice boomed from a speaker on the dog’s collar. “BARK. BARK. I AM THE A.W.S.M. THE AUTOWORK AND SERVICE MACHINE 5000 MODEL!”

  “That name is way too long to remember,” said Ralph. “We should rename him something shorter, like Spot or Phillip, or—I got it! Ralph Junior.”

  “We’re not calling him Ralph Junior. That’s silly,” said Skyler. “He needs a cool name, like Bark-o-saurus Rex!”

  Marty wasn’t sure about either of those names. He looked back at the robot dog’s box. Letters and numbers were written across the side. Marty sounded out the letters. “A-W-S-M 5000. Ay-was-em 5000…Ahs-mee 5000. Aws-em?”

  Then he got it.

  “Awesome! A.W.S.M. stands for ‘awesome’! Let’s call him Awesome Dog 5000!”

  The robot dog spoke. “BARK. BARK. I AM AWESOME DOG 5000!”

  “Nice to meet you, Awesome Dog. I’m Marty, and these are my friends Ralph and Skyler.”

  “BARK. BARK. NICE TO MEET YOU. BARK. BARK. CAN WE GO FOR A WALK?” asked Awesome Dog.

  A leash unspooled from the dog’s collar. Marty opened the front door and picked up the leash. He said, “Sure, let’s go for a wa—”

  But before Marty could finish his sentence, Awesome Dog’s paws instantly switched into four rocket jets. He blasted off, yanking Marty with him. They flew straight through the doorway at three hundred miles per hour.

  Skyler and Ralph chased after them out to the front yard, but Awesome Dog jetted up into the sky. Marty and the dog were gone.

  From inside the house, Ralph and Skyler heard Marty’s mom yell, “HEY! WHY IS MY TV REMOTE NOT WORKING?!”

  AWESOME DOG ROCKETED through the clouds, pulling Marty behind him. Marty held tight to the leash as they soared twenty thousand feet above the ground. They were so high up that Marty could see the entire town. All the people looked like tiny bugs, and the cars like toys.

  Marty yelled, “Put me down, Awesome Dog!”

  “BARK. BARK. GOING DOWN, MARTY!” the dog said.

  Awesome Dog took a nosedive toward a giant mansion below. This wasn’t what Marty meant at all.

  They smashed through the mansion’s roof and flew down a grand hallway. Dozens of doors whooshed by Marty in a blur. “Get us out of here!” screamed Marty.

  “BARK. BARK. GETTING OUT OF HALLWAY,” said Awesome Dog.

  Awesome Dog sped up his rockets. He rammed through a wall and into the mansion’s kitchen. They flew past a refrigerator and soared over the oven. They plowed through a stack of plastic cups and a punch bowl. They were splashed with red juice and headed toward a huge chocolate cake in the middle of the room.

  “LOOK OUT!” yelled Marty.

  Awesome Dog cut a quick turn and narrowly missed the cake, but Marty was jerked into it face-first. He smashed through the cake in an explosion of brown frosting.

  It didn’t stop Awesome Dog. He crashed into another room.

  The room was filled with hundreds and hundreds of floating balloons. This mansion was so fancy it didn’t just have a ballroom. It had a ball-oon room.

  Awesome Dog weaved between balloons like he was zipping along a winding road. As Marty whipped left and right, a big smile broke over his face. Jet flying wasn’t too scary after you were used to it. Marty was having fun. “Go faster, Awesome Dog!” yelled Marty.

  Awesome Dog tilted his rocket paws down and flew up through the ceiling. They jetted away as Marty looked back at the destroyed mansion. A butler and an angry-looking bald man were in the front yard. Marty yelled an apology. “Sorry about trashing your mansion, bald dude! This dog is crazy!”

  The bald man shouted something, but Marty was too high up to hear what he said. Marty flew back home without knowing that the mansion was owned by a very bad guy. This very bad guy now wanted revenge on a little boy and his robot dog.

  DR. CRAZYBRAINS was a mad scientist with a big, shiny bald head and a little beard on his chin. He was one of the smartest people in the world but only used his genius for evil.

  Dr. Crazybrains invented evil potions and sold them to other supervillains. He kept thousands of bottles on his giant potion wall: formulas to turn people into lobsters, a potion that made people stink like dirty socks, warp potions, silly-mustache potions, and any other potion imaginable.

  Every potion was custom-made, and the doctor kept the recipes a secret. None of the potion bottles listed the ingredients or even had words. Instead, they were labeled with a simple picture. This kept people from stealing his formulas. The doctor was the only one who knew each potion’s effects, and you’d have to buy them to find out what they did.

  Now, you’re probably saying to yourself: “Hey, wait a second, Book! What does any of this have to do with the story?” Well, just keep reading. You’ll find out soon enough—and quit being so impatient. It’s rude.

  Selling potions made Dr. Crazybrains rich. So rich, in fact, that he lived in a giant mansion with a secret underground lab. This was the same giant mansion Marty and Awesome Dog crashed into.

  Let’s rewind the story back a few weeks earlier:

  Dr. Crazybrains planned on throwing himself a big fiftieth-birthday party. He ordered a giant birthday cake, a huge bowl of punch, and seven hundred balloons for his ball-oon room. He sent invitations out to all his supervillain friends. Everything was ready for the celebration.

  On the day of his party, Dr. Crazybrains was in his underground lab experimenting o
n his newest evil potion. He named it Freaky Fruit Juice. The potion transformed fruit into creepy-crawly little monsters with sharp fangs. The doctor was creating a bunch of banana beasts to give out as party favors, but an hour before his guests were to arrive, there was a loud crash upstairs.

  He called for his butler. “That sounded like a small robotic dog just crashed through my cake. Let’s go check it out, Mr. Poopsie!”

  His butler’s real name was Bob Smith, but Dr. Crazybrains was so evil he called his butler Mr. Poopsie.

  The doctor and his butler found a mess in the mansion’s kitchen. There was punch spilled across the tile floor, and his birthday cake was destroyed. He followed the trail of brown frosting to his ball-oon room. He saw a giant hole blasted through the ceiling. All his balloons were floating away. The doctor and his butler quickly ran out to the front yard to catch a look at what had caused the damage.

  Dr. Crazybrains saw Marty and Awesome Dog flying away. He heard Marty yell, “Sorry about trashing your mansion, bald dude!”